How Much Life Insurance Do These Horror Villains Need?

Ross Quade | Life Insurance | 30 Oct, 2014 | No Comments

Horror Villians

Have you ever wondered what the financial implications were for the villains you watched in horror movies? You could only imagine how much life insurance a villain like Freddy Krueger and Norman Bates would need to cover their assets and loved ones (living or not). Let’s poke a little fun and see how much life insurance your favorite horror movie villains would likely need to protect their assets and family.

Michael Myers

You can’t deny that this villain wasn’t a family man – sure, he killed his older sister and stepfather (depending on which version you watched), but he sure loved his younger sister. For those reasons, having life insurance to cover the house and medical expenses that he incurred for himself and his dear sister Laurie would only make up for a fraction of the damage he caused his family. The total cost for funerals, mortgage and medical bills in the 70s and 80s was much lower, so the estimated life insurance needed for this villain is $100,000.

Norman Bates

This mama’s boy, who loved his mother to death (literally), had a lot of real estate on his hands. After killing his mother and her lover, he took over the home and the family motel. In the 60s, when the original movie took place, the pricing for a house and motel was sufficiently less than today, especially in the rural area of fictitious Fairvale, California. The estimation that Norman would need to cover the funeral costs for himself, his mother’s corpse (who would likely be buried with him) and the real estate would be around $200,000.

Frankenstein

The makeshift man created by Dr. Frankenstein is an eccentric fellow with no actual name (except for creature, monster, being, it or daemon). His name is oftentimes misconstrued with his maker, Frankenstein, so this is likely what he would use to sign the paperwork for life insurance. After killing his maker, who found him grotesque, he inherited his large castle that nearby villagers tried to burn down. Since he was an immortal, by the time he was finally destroyed by people or natural causes, the amount he would likely need for a castle that is falling to pieces would be around $75,000.

Count Dracula

Count Dracula

This bloodsucking creature has a vast estate and money to go along with it (notice the Count in front of his name). His richness allows him to afford any policy a life insurance agent can throw his way and he’d do it with style. His aging castle is situated in the Carpathian Mountains, which means its value is depreciating. But due to it having historical value and excellent views, it would likely have a high price tag. But no one gets the best of Count Dracula, especially not insurance salespeople. He’s known to get his way, thanks to his mystical powers that hypnotizes his prey. So if he wants an insurance policy for $50,000, that’s what the Count gets.

Jack Torrance

Depending on which version of The Shining you’ve read or watched, you have either a sympathetic or cold view of the character Jack Torrance. It wouldn’t be surprising if his family were looking forward to his death, especially after the hell he put them through at the Overlook Hotel. This unfortunately blows up at the end, but it wasn’t Jack’s to begin with anyway. Being a raging mad man, he wasn’t left with too much of anything right up until his death, so he would only need enough money to cover his own burial (or cremation if you want to count him being blown up) — $10,000.

Pinhead

The tortured soul Pinhead, leader of the cenobites, travels back and forth from hell and earth through a small metallic box. In one movie, he had an eccentric statue that featured distorted faces. Other than his gothic getup and peculiar taste in artifacts, Pinhead didn’t have much else. He didn’t even have memory of his human self. You can argue that his soul has been long dead, but Pinhead comes to life each and every time someone opens that box. Until someone finally puts him to rest, his estimated life insurance coverage would be a measly $25,000.

Hannibal Lecter

Depicted as an elite citizen of society with exquisite taste in art, music and food (if human flesh counts), you can imagine that a fellow of his stature would have lots of expensive items. The home he had in Red Dragon showed he was prosperous. With that note, we can assume that Hannibal has a main home, condo, and vacation home, cabin in the woods and expensive vehicles, clothes, furniture and décor. This is by far one of the most well off villains yet, giving him an estimated life insurance value of $1 million.

Leatherface

Unlike Hannibal, Leatherface (Jed Sawyer) has absolutely no style or taste for the finer things in life. In fact, he doesn’t even purchase masks; instead, he makes them out of the skin of his human victims. The butcher from Texas Chainsaw Massacre lives in a hick town in an old rundown home. Surely, there were a few junk cars sitting out front, which belonged to the poor folks he butchered over the years. He has no real assets of his own, other than the family home, property and those junk cars he accumulated, and to make things worse, he lost his job as the town’s animal butcher, alleviating him of his “breadwinner” status. The estimated value of Leatherface’s life insurance would have to be around $50,000.

Freddy Krueger

Nightmare on Elm Street is a neighborhood no one wants to move to, thanks to the infamous burnt villain known as Freddy Krueger. If he had life insurance before he was burnt in the boiler room by an angry mob of parents, he could have salvaged his house on Elm Street. But now he has to live in the dreams of teenagers or the parents who murdered him. He likely paid his bills on time in order to stay under the radar, so his mortgage should have been cut in half before he died. If we count his home and an old vehicle he probably drove to and from work (in between bringing his child victims to the boiler room to kill them), then he would have needed an estimated $80,000 in life insurance.

Jason Voorhees

Jason/ Friday the 13th

Like Norman Bates, Jason loved his mother and killed hundreds of people in her name. Living in the woods behind Camp Crystal Lake, Jason staked out in a cabin to keep visitors at bay. Anyone who dared step on his property was decimated. We could pretty much say he owned the camp, the lake and the land surrounding it. With that much acreage, we could be talking life insurance coverage around $200,000 to cover the land and property taxes. Being dragged to hell, into space and murdered numerous times, this coverage would also include the multiple funerals Jason would’ve had.

It seems like even the villains need coverage to cover their assets after they’ve died (once, twice or thrice). These are only some of the horror flick monsters with many more out there wreaking havoc on innocent people. Hopefully, they’ll wise up and purchase some life insurance before one of their victims strikes back and ends them for good.

 




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